Friday, December 14, 2007

Pimps versus Pushers


The scene:
My desk.

State of mind:
Calmly recuperating from the monthly trauma knows as "The Newsletter", cuppa tea in hand. The blepharospasm on my right and palsy in my left arm were slowly dissipating.

Enter stage right:
Secret Gay Husband* and my office mate Ninja.

The accusation:
Blogging Yarn Pimp.

The reaction (inside my head):
"Why I never!" and "Who do they think they are?" and "Do they know who they are talking to?" and also "People who have time to criticize obviously have too much time on their hands and are desperately in need of some menial manual labor. Perhaps something that involves tinking 5000 yards of lace weight mohair would be in order."

The reaction (in real life):
"Really You didn't like the blog post because you thought (cue sound in echo effect) the all knowing list was a shameless plot to hock yarn?"

Their point:
When I refer to (cue sound in echo effect) the all knowing list like I'm yodeling from a precipice on the Grand Canyon, it seems a tad shameless.

The explanation:
I was trying to look out for my peeps because I know what it feels like to be a much loved recipient of, uh... creative holiday presents. (Seriously, do not buy one of those for your fifth grader. She'll just think you're tetched)
It was my intention to offer an aid for the lost souls of the land frantically buying willy-nilly for their yarn lovers. A map of delicious goodness that they could give that was sure to please.
Honestly, there are folks out there who are suffering with indecision and I think it high time the madness stops.

The concept:
I prefer the concept of myself as "Yarn Pusher" versus "Yarn Pimp". Pimps don't have heart. They are only looking out for themselves and their investments. I don't mind if people think of me as the fiber equivalent of that sweaty guy down the hall in college who had the cloud that leaked from underneath his door and who proffered chugs from his beer-bong while he played Pink Floyd as the soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz in an eternal loop.

That guy was a yahoo-hippie, but he was always friendly, generous, and always made sure everyone was having a good time.

Now, those who know me and or have met my pet Stash, know I have what some term as "a weakness" for the sock yarn. I don't think of it so much as a weakness but as a deep yearning. A hunger so powerful, I swoon a bit as I pass by the sock wall in the store.
But I recognize there are boundaries. Namely, a life expectancy that (most-likely) won't extend beyond ninety-five, a formidable appetite for sock yarn, a muscular and healthy limb of sock yarn on Stash, and a landlord who demands I pay Stash's money for rent every month.

I can't do it alone. Try as I might, I cannot own all the yarn myself.
The magical solution:
So, I figure sharing is the best way to spread the love (and the yarn) around. If I can't own it and call it my own, then my neighbor should. If I have an extra can of soup and someone is hungry, logic dictates I share what I can to help those around me.

Here's what you can do:
Just as my neighbor should take the poor scared little yarn home to love and cherish, we should all open up our pantries and take a can (or two or three) and pass it on to someone who could use it. If you just scored a righteous bargain on whosits or whatsits while shopping, take the cash you saved and go load up at the grocery store. Go ahead, you save more when you buy in bulk anyway.
Participate in the food drive tonight at Stitch and Sip where you can also give homeless yarn a new fleece on life as a knitted charity donation.
You can't make it tonight? No worries, join in the fun and knit socks (or other stuff, we won't judge) on Monday nights with the sock addicts group, uh... er sock knitter's group. If you need motivation just read this testimonial from Fyberduck:

... we interrupt your normal blogging for an important YarNews Flash:

Noro Kureyon sock yarn!

Knit/ Purl now has Noro Kureyon sock yarn in stock!

Yes, you read correctly, Noro Kureyon sock yarn. Much like our familiar friend Kureyon, this new sock yarn is single-ply, thick-and-thin, and features loooong, vibrant color repeats. Unlike the traditional Kureyon, this is 30% nylon for durability and knits up at 7.5 sts/ inch on 3mm DPNs. For more information, check out our 7 new colorways or drop by the store :)

The Sally Struthers:
...Didn't that just open up the cockles of your heart and make you feel gooey inside? Does it feel like you need to give some Kureon a good home? What about the food? You were planning on starting that diet at the beginning of the new year so and drop off some nutritious food tonight or throughout the year for the Oregon Food Bank.

* My Secrect Gay Husband has a new requirement in his contract: any reference of his title must include a link to his picture.

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